Master's Journey Part 1: Pursuing Master's Degree

Assalamualaikum and good evening all! It's been so long since my last post right? Well, A LOT has happened. Anyway, a little bit of update of my life, last September I started my first semester as a masters student in a local university, and it was...not so awesome btw. I suffered countless moments of giving up and drop out of school for the first 6 weeks of my study there. 
The reason is because I was horrified and shocked with the new place and situation. I mean, okay my friends are 80% I'd say are working people, anddd they are obviously older than me. But I don't really mind that. What drove me crazy was that okay, I pursued my masters study in a different field from my first degree. Last time my degree was in English for International Communication, and this time around I took Masters in Education Guidance & Counselling. 

Okay...many people asked me why I didn't pursue my masters in TESL (majority of my seniors and juniors took this). Well, it's because I have always believed that I am not good in teaching (from my past experience tutoring kids) so that's why I didnt take TESL. Another reason is because I thought of like learn something else besides English, and tbh once upon a time being a counsellor has been one of my ambitions. So after much thinking done, I applied for this course and went to 2 interviews in two different universities. So after a few weeks past after the interview, I passed both interview Alhamdulillah and without much thinking, I chose the one closest to home (obviously!)

Okay, back to my heart-aching, roller coaster first sem. I took 4 subjects this semester, and typically in every first class the lecturer will ask the students why they are there. So innocently, I told them my reasons and what I got in return was a heart-aching response. The lecturer smirked at my answer and one of them even told me, "That's not gonna happen". Hell yeah, that literally broke my heart into pieces and was one of the reasons why I feel like dropping out. I was fighting with myself, as the heart and mind is arguing with each other on what I should do at that time. I started to doubt myself because of that, and I started thinking like counselling is not my thing, and it doesn't suit my goal in life bla3. I consulted so many people, be it my best friends, family...I even consulted my mother's lecturer and an ustaz about this. I was totally broken and I remembered the only thing I wanted to do at that time was to QUIT. 

I really hated that university as a whole (I mean it), and so during the welcoming ceremony for the graduate students, I didnt go. Whenever I have to go back to the hostel, I felt so down and it was dreadful. On the third week, I decided to quit (peak time), so only then I told my mum about it. As predicted, she was against it and as a result, I was told to consult her lecturer about it😂And so I did. 

After much crying that week, I decided to swallow my pain and deal with the situation. That was after I talked to my ustaz (after talking to my mum's lecturer). It was literally a month ++ full of tears. I'm currently in my 10th week now, another 4 weeks to go!!! I hope everything's going to be okay, and I prayed hard not to feel whatever I have been feeling for the past 6 weeks. It was not funny, it was dreadful and super duper heart-aching.

Moral of the story, please please please make sure it was your own decision to pursue masters because if you did it for other people, you'll suffer even more! and please make sure you choose the right course and make a research about it before applying yeah!   

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